Once parents adjust to living with a child on the spectrum and establish a new normal, then it’s okay to offer to take them out for fun, or to stay with their child so that they can go out. Not to minimalize the child’s struggles, but I prefer to say “a child with autism” And honestly, I think if you were to ask a parent which they prefer, it would somehow marginalize whatever they are comfortable with.. as if to say “which do you prefer b/c either is OK w/me” just my thoughts. Don’t say: “Do you have other children and are they autistic, too?”. The question you should ask yourself before you exclude a kid with autism from your party is: Whose comfort are you really worrying about? Autism is a common condition whereby individuals struggle with social interaction and communication, caused by patterns of thought which can be repetitive and restrictive. In fact, only about 10 percent have savant qualities. Do say: “I don’t know what you’re going through, but I’m willing to listen if you need to talk.”. Don’t say: “What caused your child’s autism?”. Lydia Brown, a blogger on the spectrum, describes such statements as “ableist” (like sexist or racist but pertaining to different abilities). Autism is a neurological condition, my child can learn to adapt to the world but she will not grow out of Autism. Take your cues from the parents about how open they want to be about the specifics of their child’s treatment plan. There are also wonderful resources and organizations that can help educate you about autism. 8. You cope because it’s your child and you love them, you want what every parent wants, the best for your child. Yes, your child’s new doctor needs to know, but no—there’s no reason to share with colleagues at work. Maybe schedule a massage?”. Autism is a part of who I am in many ways and my experience will vary completely to the next person you will meet on the spectrum.” Or put another way: how can you explain something if that’s all you know? Thank you. We really do want your support, and if we don’t always respond the way you wish we would, well…maybe you’ll make up a list for us? “If you really want to annoy [people with autism], compare us to Rain Man,” Nicholas Fearn wrote in a Buzzfeed article. ), it’s also untrue for most people on the spectrum. World Autism Awareness Day 2015: 12 things you only know if your child has autism You don’t even have to speak in order to help us – just do something that shows you care and/or empathise. Your son doesn’t look autistic. What not to say to the parent of an autistic child … If you don’t teach the autistic child to say no, you’re opening a plethora of problems for them. This is the same thinking that would be applied when describing someone with any other illness or disability. Just a quick Google search of "Autism is not an excuse for bad behavior" shows that there is no shortage of people who truly believe this. So, in the spirit of National Autism Awareness Month, some of my friends and clients who have children on the autism spectrum decided to brainstorm a list of statements they wish people would and wouldn’t say. It’s false! 10. 1. Be aware of and sensitive to their needs. My cousin has a friend whose neighbor’s sister has a child with autism.”. Children do not spontaneously recover from autism, nor do they “grow out of it.” Parents do accept their children with autism for who they are, but like parents of typical children, they want to give their children every opportunity they can, which often translates into intensive treatment regiments. Don’t say: “Don’t you think you’ve put him through enough treatment? At AngelSense we made a decision from the get go to stick with the term a ‘child with autism’. It is both highly controversial and emotionally-charged. Sometimes, parents just need to vent and it’s helpful to have a friend with whom to share their feelings. You can play with your cars or blocks. Words that often unintentionally hurt or upset family members who are affected by autism. And even if they can’t answer you, they can probably understand you, so watch your words around their caregiver, family, or friends! Don’t touch your brother’s food. In fact, many believe that’s part of what makes them who they are. Instead of saying: No, you are not allowed to play with the train. I went to a benefit for an autism school where the most popular silent auction item was the one for a teacher who offered her babysitting services. The adage goes, if you know someone with autism, you know someone with autism. This one seems genuine and innocuous, but some on the spectrum don’t feel comfortable being asked this, and many don’t really understand the question or know how to reply. You can offer practical solutions to help a parent handle the diagnosis or the ongoing tasks, like help with grocery shopping, babysitting or other daily responsibilities. © 2000–2021 The Autism Site and GreaterGood. Like my child. We love that you feel like we are in this together, so grab two glasses while I get the bottle opener. Parents generally go into “research overload” as they try to sort through the myriad of treatments to determine what’s right for their child. Even though you might not fully understand what loving a child with autism is like, the fact that you are here, on our doorstep, holding a bottle of wine and trying to understand, well, there are no words to express our gratitude. First of all, many differently-abled people would love to see the “r” word eliminated from the English language altogether. Don’t make them defend their choices. →. Most parents of children with autism dream about driving their kids to soccer or ballet, and parents of the 25 percent of non-verbal children on the spectrum dream about their children speaking one day. Whoa, nelly! People will take advantage of them, and this is especially dangerous for girls. Instead of saying: No! We are not going to the zoo today. Help those with Autism and their families at The Autism Site for free! Not to mention those on the spectrum often have wonderful strengths, or even advantages over neurotypicals, like attention to detail, genuineness, and fantastic memories. 5. When we constantly dictate what a child should be doing, they feel a lack of control. Aside from the fact that this statement is rude in and of itself (oh, the irony! 1. Autism in young children. THINGS NOT TO SAY SEASON 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i__fBb2oSUMWhat's an autistic person supposed to look like anyway? *Just don’t say it. 8. Kerry Magro, a speaker and author on the spectrum, says, “I’m just who I am. Additionally, in the world of autism, the world “normal” is usually replaced with “typical” or “neuro-typical.”. You’d be surprised how many people like to quote this statistic. Don't let your feelings get hurt if the child does not respond to you as you'd like. #7 Autism Is an Excuse for Bad Behaviors. A better question is one that’s more specific: for example, “What are the unique challenges you face as a person with autism?” Keep in mind, however, that such questions may be more appropriate for people you’ve known for a while. All of the family, friends, co-workers and even strangers who approach parents of children on the autism spectrum with words that really should never have left their mouths in the first place. We beg for your empathy and your willingness to understand, but do NOT pity us. This is not the intent for many, however, and if/when they do realize they offended someone, they are often apologetic. Instead of saying: No! I told you yesterday. Some need support for the rest of their lives and some are able to live independently and start a family. ‘Maybe if you just provided him with some discipline.’ I hear the divorce rate is 80 percent among parents of kids with autism.”. 9. Words that often unintentionally hurt or upset family members who are affected by autism. Nobody likes stereotypes, not even when they’re more “positive” like this one. Unless you’re the parents of a child on the spectrum, you don’t really know just how much there is to handle. A good e… Autism can present many challenges to a child’s daily life. Do say: “What kind of treatment program are you using for your child?” or “What school does your child attend?”. Here are some things you should not say to people with autism spectrum disorder (ASD): 1. This was partly influenced by the preferences of moms that use AngelSense, but also because of how we perceive autism. Jamie is Jamie. All rights reserved. That’s why people on the spectrum have spoken out on this subject on blogs, videos, and more. 9. In general, society doesn't expect men to make such a choice. Mean it on the days when autism is all they can talk about and on the days when they need an extra set of hands. Kerry Magro, a speaker and author on the spectrum ) things not to say to a ’. Value. ” have been made, or be overly probing re all individuals, and many others prefer... Educate you about autism, too? ” share their feelings them wish they would hearing—and... N'T mean, however, and likes or dislikes whose neighbor ’ s not that you ’ never... Like foot tapping yes, your child to say SEASON 2::. Influenced by the preferences of moms that use AngelSense, but do pity. 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