Nonverbal autistic people can be very happy and successful in life, like Amy Sequenzia. Im not a complaining mama, but your litmus test for what to share will stick with me long-term. 1. Having to make plans for your own death so your child can be kept safe and secure after it. That is the most passive aggressive thing I have ever read in my life. I post all the time about my sons destructive and aggressive tendencies. But not too worry. Children with autism often need constant supervision to ensure they don't get hurt or run away. A study was done looking at ability to empathise between: Neurotypical- Neurotypical people, Neurotypical-autistic people, and Autistic-autistic people. Life isnt all Ozzy and Harriette and going in alone, fighting with LE teachers and school admin. Bruises, cuts, and bites and scratches from meltdowns that cant be controlled (injuries on both yourself and the ASD child and sometimes siblings). My hobbies and interests are lost to me. I dont have the time to teach them based on their particular interests. As a Autistic person who was labeled high functioning with Aspergers and ADHD, you people truthfully dont know jack anything about functioning labels. Were not your pets, were people, and we deserve privacy. I cant drive with him because he kicks me in the back of the head and pulls my hair. K thanks. So much! You know this Spectrum, umbrella, some of us have it worse than others and stop playing the Im autistic, too card as a means to double down that YOU ARE RIGHT, there is no right, there is simply this fucked up reality and everyone has to navigate it differently some of us got it worse than others. This isnt right, but parents like us are so freaking exhausted just trying to survive, we dont have the strength to demand fair services for our children. And Im not sugar coat this. He desperately wants to learn new things he struggles every day to do music to read big books to do homework but his academic progress stalled long ago. If youre complaining about your autistic children online for the world to see, thats the impression that those people have on autism and autistic people in general. Would you assume that no one besides you would ever care about your child? Keep in mind this too. Im tired of being afraid of my neighbors and onlookers calling CPS because they think Im abusing my child when theyre having a meltdown, Im tired of being questioned about bruises from self harm, Im tired of people telling me the only option I have as a soon to be single parent is give your flesh and blood to state custody, Im tired of having everyone walk out of my life because there is no normalcy when my child is involved, Im tired of professionals telling me it will get better and not seeing any progress, Im tired of crying at the end of the day when my child is finally asleep feeling like no matter what I do I am constantly failing them, Im tired of being tired. Its a very wide playing field with Autism, theres no right or wrong way to cope [barring abusive extremes, and no, I dont think this was abusive, I think this was desperation, and I think this sort of response is what makes many parents feel so alone and silenced, but I also understand why the author wrote this]. Im a teacher and mother of a severe ASD child and even as a teacher, I had NEVER seen the severe side until my son, now 5, regressed. You have nerve picking on a person for having an overwhelming day and sharing her feelings. This video went VIRAL. You very likely need MORE support than I do, and thats valid! With the current situation going to the hospital for any other reason is not the best option. While I agree that someone publicly shaming their disabled (or even typical) child is a disgraceful thing, what you are describing sounds more like the mom had a mental breakdown. There are plenty of loving families out there that can treat an autistic child as a human being instead of a broken toy. Raising a child with autism is a nightmare I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy. I understand that parenting an autistic child (like any child) can be frustrating, exhausting, overwhelming, and downright scary at times. Listening to the same sound or word 24 hours a day because that is all they can say. Some of you really need to do some research and defer to the autistic community because you are making autistic people look like monsters. As an autistic person and a parent to an autistic child, Im begging you. The people who mistreat him will take ammunition from articles and videos talking about the hell of Autism, and thats all it will take. If they ask for help, need assistance, or need to vent and talk to someone else who shares their same story? And there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying so. This attitude can help you focus on helping, instead of punishing. You treat your children like shit and then wonder why they act out like this. Explain the routine to your child, and use a picture schedule to help them predict events. Best wishes for you and your children. Our little guy is absolutely perfect and exactly how God intended him to be. And if you did, the whole world wouldnt feel sympathy, theyd tell you to stop being so mean and love your child for who they are. i can 't handle my autistic child anymorepower automate do until apply to each. It was shown that autistic people are able to emphasise With each other as well as neurotypicals can with each other. Melody, your comments are completely lacking in empathy and understanding. Last Updated: March 29, 2022 Sorry, if your child has an intellectual disability, thats NOT autism. I am just the carer. Wonderful article. However, don't pass judgment or try to stamp it out of them. The same goes for caffeine dont give your child anything that is likely to keep him or her awake. our children already have enough to deal with day and night. You desperately need more support, care, help, etc. Saying you wouldnt say these things about your normal child why would you abut the one that is autistic. I didnt like the sound of this article at first, but the trouble is wording & presentation. Nasty woman. They have a dogpile of kids and suddenly they have the moral authority to trash not only parents of typical kids but as proven here, parents of disabled kids. You dont, so just stop. Stop trying to hide them like they used to hide people with mental illness in institutions with physical & chemical restraints. Sometimes SIB is related to pain. I watched the video thats being quoted in this article, what I saw was a Mother who was vulnerable, clearly struggling, sharing real, raw and valid emotions with the world. You can have fun kneading and tossing the dough, make faces with the vegetables, and taste throughout the process. I dont think theres a right or a wrong here. Agreed. Everyone needs one, autistic, neurotypical, living with a mental illness, or not diagnosed. AutismMamaBear, I am in total agreement with this page, I knew a lady theyre raised in autistic son and we never knew he was autistic, she never let anybody knew no she never complained she got him every Advantage you could possibly get to go forward and be educated she educated herself on it, in this world that we live in people are so quickly to put people down for something they may have they act as if they have a disease and shy away from them, why not act as if nothing is wrong make everything as normally as you can, I believe the only time that you need help is when you feel you cannot cope, the lady in the video what was her hope that she would get free help, thats what most mothers are hoping for free help welfare. Dear AutisticMama Autistic people may confuse I and you regularly, for example. dont compare. Would you care if he wet the bed and poops in his bathwater, cant talk and doesnt understand what you are trying to express, runs out in traffic, doesnt understand that certain things can hurt him or others, pushes children off jungle gyms? Id go on some more but My son decided to smear his poop all over the bathroom wall and floor, so I gotta go clean that up. No kidding. It clicked and everything has changed. What I didn't know initially is my daughter is one of the 5 to 16% of school-aged children with sensory processing disorders (SPD), and she's overstimulated by the clothing on her body. But nobody on here has any right to judge anyone about how they deal with autism. The reason your son acts this was is NOT because of autism, its because he has a worthless sake of shit like you for an egg donor. If they like stimming, try stimming with them you might see what they get out of it or work out youre just wired differently :p. Then dont be a part of those FB parents groups. Dentist appointment at hospitals because they have to sedate the individual to even look in their mouth. You are causing harm publishing ridiculous articles such as this. Sincerely, I suspect this entire, offensive, tone-deaf piece was published only as click bait. There are thousands like him, being diagnosed every day. I would suggest that the apparent lack of empathy is simply an autistic person being wired so differently they find it hard to relate to the needs and expectations of a Neurotypical person. So did my husband. My daughter has a fragile bone disorder and were desperate to keep him away from her so that he doesnt break her bones. And doing it openly and publicly on the Internet is neither. Stuff posted on public media spaces never goes away, and can come back to haunt someday. Were not allowed to be ourselves because we embarrass YOU. Princeton University Press, 2008. If shes not for you dont follow her, dont watch her videos but making a blog to shame her cause you dont prefer her style, ew just ew. That is not whining that is a fact. Suggestions to keep this inside is ridiculous, harmful, unhealthy, crap advice. But at the end of the day, they will still have autism. Luckily its only moms who have feelings. You are not wrong, but you said it WRONG. The thing is, in a world that is all too intolerant of Autistic people, the people that should be our greatest allies seem to be often the complete opposite. You went no contact? hmmmm. I have two children with autism. That is wrong. It is offensive to parents that struggle every day. Thats private information, and no parent to a NT child would ever do that. Make sure your child knows that you love them, autism and all. Is she not allowed to have one? My parents are far from perfection, but if they made something like this to me I would publicly shame them back and/or kill myself. Provide the child with tools to self-soothe, such as sensory toys, calming books or videos, weighted blankets, a swing set, or even a pet. Parents want their children to have easier lives than they did growing up. Agreed I work in a school too and you can find yourself fighting to get the support required for the children you work with. I have two on the spectrum, one nonverbal, they are wonderful, amazing, and so loved. As well as a basic high school classroom typical kids range 5-10 years of developmental ability. Apologize to the child once they're calm, and try to do better in the future. She will help you so much!! You want to complain so fucking badly about your kid smearing fecal matter to the world? Take yourself out for a Starbucks coffee to clear your head. The police department knows your kid. Youve never seen the severe side, and the helplessness and despair. Point is why are they never mentioned? Your child may learn to communicate very well in alternative ways, such as sign language, typing, facilitated communication, and more. Shame on you for telling people how to feel and how to express their feelings. But if I find that I need support, I will post on a support thread without hesitation. All you know is what you see in others. She tells HER story. Your post is the most discriminatory and ableist thing Ive read in a while. This is the most selfish article Ive ever read. I really needed to know that Im not the only parent who feels this way. Autism is one of the pervasive developmental disorders, with symptoms that usually appear before three years of age. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inspectrum/201509/please-stop-whitewashing-autism. She is offering you life changing insight. If you loved this post, you might also enjoy. Even people who are just looking for a sentimental video, but dont have one autistic in their lives themselves. And your children will, too, if you continue to publicly talk behind their backs and criticize them. However there are real limitations to what can be done in a classroom with students. Look at yourselves. The very fact that you wrote this tells me you have NO clue what severe autism is, or what it looks like. When my oldest was first diagnosed, I did fall down that rabbit hole of complaining (more about how people were treating my family differently or professionals implying it was my fault). Recap. Don't force your child to spend time with bullies or unkind children. Parents are suffering, after learning a whole new way of interacting for their child, and fight after fight to advocate to get their childs needs met. Occasionally posts contains other affiliate links as well. "I Don't Like My Child, Help!" "I've had it with my 12-year-old daughter who has ADHD, sensory disorder, and learning disabilities (LD). Does it mean we love our children any less?! If your child doesnt have an intellectual disability, they can understand EVERYTHING you say! Stop shaming the moms of severely autistic kids. I truly do hope that you are going to therapy and again I am saying this with respect for a fellow woman and mother. So stop blaming autism when autism itself isnt the issue. She should clarify that this does NOT apply to level 3 autism, the most severe, as the DSM does. I dont believe you were shaming me or any other parent all. Adult Austistics are the greatest resource we have as parents. . And how can I fulfill them while respecting my child and their needs? I have never had a student with any kind of special needs which dont take more then their fair share of individual help which does mean other kids do miss out and individual help that they could use too. My son is 15, weighs 175 pounds, and is 64. Keep in mind that even an extremely unresponsive child can probably still hear you; they just don't have a way to communicate yet. They gave birth to a disabled child so i guess they deserve what they get. And even though youve said we/you cant or shouldnt. No one gets it, because no one sees it. Whoever wrote this article youre an idiot. Some children on the autistic spectrum do have behaviours that are just not compatible with home life but I'm sure you are doing a great job. Now that Im dealing with the same, I am so glad she put his struggles out there, because she shared tools that greatly helped my son. WWJD? What about the fathers? For people posting that High-Functioning Autistics are nothing like my kid- sometimes they are. If you agree with this and you want a safe space online where you can learn and grow as an autism advocate, click here to tell me a bit about your situation and join the Embracing Autism Facebook Group! If he could behave differently- if it were possible- dont you think he would? You are telling her to tone it down, and you are doing nothing to truly help, but making her (and other mothers) feel bad for having an opinion. And they both need it 100% of the time, not just when they can act NT and not just when they are in a wheelchair or obviously disabled. When pushed to do something they don't want to do, your child may throw a fit. People need to know what a horrible nightmare it isand how it wrecks lives and marriages. Hey! Having two autistic children (one moderate and one severe) has ruined my life and my wifes life. While I agree with everything she says, I agree that it would have been better if she had made up an example, or used a variety of examples, so as not to shame one particular person. Watching your child in the hospital restrained to a bed because they are severely ill, and have no idea why they need an IV or who the people (doctors and nurses). Do you need to paint autism as rainbows and sunshine? Would you put down someone saying from cancer because they talk about how much they hate it? I had to throw out every hope and dream I ever had not just for myself but for them too and instead I just count the days as they go by getting nothing meaningful done except care for two individuals who will never become anything except a burden on someone else in the future after I get too old to care for them. then go ahead. Would you prefer they tell a family-member and have it get back to their kid one day? I don't want my child to have autism anymore. Instead say "I don't understand, but I care and I'm glad you're talking to me.". Selfrighteous fat piece of shit, how dare you. I am the mother of a severely autistic child and this life sucks I belong to a support group where we share it all. This article has been viewed 68,833 times. So please, stop complaining about your autistic children. Insurance companies and schools are repeat offenders, and they are tired! If somehow you are not suffering fears and worries about your child (the one with autism) in the future COMPARED to typical children, then you are both zen and lucky indeed. Walk a mile in someones shoes before you start judging. I have always been a big believer that whatever labels you put on children they will live up to those labels..or rarely, will overcome those labels. And several of their parents complained about them not getting enough individual help/support. It would have been a opinion and that is ok. You are saying that she shames her son, so what are you doing then? When you say that autism makes your life so difficult, you're telling the world that autistic people are more trouble than we're worth. However, even on my worst day, I would NEVER post one of his meltdowns online! How utterly ironic that you dare accuse the author of lacking empathy and describing that as her autism talking when your comments are horrendously offensive and lacking in insight. That said, a lot of these difficulties arose not directly from the autism but because of the lack of understanding and awareness of it. It is exhausting living with a full grown man with the IQ of a toddler. Find positive support groups, such as Parenting Autistic Children with Love and Acceptance. Frustration. She is NOT abusive. Pile on? Im not a burden, i am a valuable part of my family. There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. I pinky promise Ill explain what parents should do when feeling such big (and valid) feelings about autism and their child. Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. In general, its best to avoid making your child feel too awkward. Nothing like my kid- sometimes they are tired that I need support,,. An autistic child anymorepower automate do until apply to each are wonderful, amazing, and taste the! 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